My thoughts were to start talking about the path that lead me to Fungi today, it was going to be beautiful and romantic with some silliness tied in.
But it is Easter Sunday and the reaccuring theme death. Our holiday of death and rising above it. Between podcast about death, driving by cemeterys and a three hour conversation I had today with my dear friend I realized it's a topic that wants to be dealt with now.
Truth be told death was one to the components in my life, to build the perfect substrate for my relationship with fungi to grow upon. In 2009 a dear dear friend of mine died from lung cancer.
He had been someone who held me above water in the moments when I was drowning in heart break and my mind was bursting with the: "why are we here's? What's the point of any of this if we're all gonna die someday?" My heart was exploding because it was so full of love for everyone and everything that it hurt and he saw that when no one else did.
3 years later his gift to me was his death, it was the kind where it drags out and is imminent, yet I missed the chance to say good bye by mere hours. That is what shook me to the core. The lack of closure and the chance to say "thank you, I love you" made the grieving so much harder and deeper.
Through grief I was thrown into a tailspin of bad relationships, the kind that forced me to hide who I was in a box deep inside, yet it was a corner of my soul I got to know well. Letting me get to know myself better than ever before, until I could no longer keep it hidden in a box, and catapulted away from there to shine my light.
But that "death" lead me to appreciate and love both the pain and the joys of life. It showed me that I am happiest whe I'm living to the fullest, and by that I mean "hands on living." From planting and watching seeds grow, to cooking and baking, to being elbows deep in a ewe helping to guide life into the world, to dancing, and creating art, or cuddling my small child, it is the tiny moments that glisten the brightest.
Since then I have lost more loved ones since then to death. From each I have gained and so much and grown towards new levels of living.
When I learned about mushrooms it was love. They fit inside my need for "hands on living," by growing and collecting my own food and medicine, they consistently reconnect me to nature as a flop through the woods on the treasure hunt to find them, even just connect me back to a present moment when they pop out to say hi from the most unexpected places, and they grow within the small boarders of my patience.
Fungi thrive on death and debris giving it new life: carrying nutrients from a dead tree to young saplings. They also cary death with them in ecosystems but eventually those deaths lead to a healthier ecosystem so again bringing life.
In our society we often choose to ignore death and try to shove it behind curtains, I believe it is one of the big factors in our mycophobia as well, since fungi are so closely connected to death. The more we connect with that part of life the more we will reconnect to life itself and the world around us.
And with that I sign off of this screen to savor the special moments of toddler cuddles.
Lily the MycoPirate Mother
Ps. Please enjoy this beautiful podcast.